Griefbursts
I was awakened by the clouds crying with me
It hadn’t rained in months
The imagined image of her body decomposing
in the woods under the pouring sky
caused my heart to burst out of my eyes
joining the raindrops as they returned to the Earth alongside her
I’ve never woken up crying before...
The muscles around my intercostals ache
as griefbursts arise seemingly out of nowhere
Her water dish on the floor
Writing cat litter on the grocery list, then erasing it
Her portrait on the mantle
Her name on my gratitude list
The mug that says “Home is where my cat is”
Bits of her fur still on her favorite spot on the couch
Entering my home with no one to greet me
Waking up and instinctively reaching over to... Nothing
The empty spot in the bed next to me feels cavernous
I’m no stranger to being alone
yet this level of aloneness is raw and unfamiliar
For 18 years, she was my only constant
by my side through marriage, divorce, going back to school, starting businesses, a health crisis, and numerous moves
She taught me more about unconditional love than any guru ever could
One headboop could quickly stop my doomscrolling
Bringing me into peaceful presence with her comforting purrs
